There's No Place Like Home

Today my body kinda feels like its giving up on me, yesterday was quite a difficult day, I left work early as I was very close to having a panic attack and was really struggling to calm down. I've not felt that out of control of my body in a long time and its a bit of a shock, I still feel like I'm in 'Fight or Flight' mode now and I'm not too sure how to stop it.
I'm feeling a bit like life has caught up with me, after I ignored what I was saying about just taking Baby steps and tried to take some steps I really wasn't ready for.
I'm still happy though, a bit emotionally drained but happy, things are changing for the better and I'm trying to look forward.

A big decision has been made in the past week or so, I'm going to be giving up my house and moving back to my parents.
This house has been my home for 19 years now (the house was our family home and where my sister and I grew up, my parents bought a new place just over a year ago, they moved out and rented this house to me) but I cant afford to stay here and the good memories of growing up here have been tainted by what happened at Christmas.
I wanted this to be the house I raised a family in but I don't think I could share this house, my home, with somebody else now.

I'm sad to be leaving this house but it really is for the best, I'll be able to start over properly and work out what I want to do.

With every end comes a new beginning and a new adventure, so with that in mind, roll on the next few weeks and...

'The New Adventures of MissSearles'
(has to be said in a Superhero style voice)


Photo credit - Google Images

Come on world! What else you got to throw at me?

I was doing ok up until last night.
I'd been spending my time relaxing and catching up with friends (which is my excuse for not doing a post!) and generally taking each day as it came. 
Went over to mum and dads last night for dinner and mum said she had had some bad news, my cousin had died.

He was Canadian but lived in Vietnam and even though I've only met him once or twice it had really upset me. We're a very close family even though we're spread out across the world we all keep up with what’s going on through things like facebook. I'd only been looking through his photos a few weeks ago. 
What feels worse though is wondering what his parents must be going through, he was actually my mums cousin, so he was my 2nd cousin really but he was closer to my age than my mums, his parents are my great aunt and uncle. My great aunt has just had eye surgery and so she cant fly for a good few weeks, which means my great uncle will have to fly to Vietnam on his own, I can't even begin to imagine how hard that’s going to be for him and feels helpless that there’s nothing I can say or do. 

RIP Dean
You are loved very much and will be missed.