I'm giving up on this for a while.
I'm tired and confused.
I need to find my focus otherwise I think I'm going to go mad.
Things don't feel settled, I don't feel like I have a plan at the moment and I can't work like that. I don't like just floating along.


Things are great with The Boyfriend and with family/at home, I'm happy, no need to worry, I'm just a bit lost that's all.


I will be back, just not for a little while.
I'm still reading and commenting on your blogs.

I'll check in on Twitter when I can and you can reach me via email/Facebook.
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I know I'm a pain in the arse but its why you love me isnt it?!

Ok...don't get upset or annoyed, its not the end of the world...but I'm leaving...I've fallen in love with someone(something) else...Wordpress to be exact.

Those of you that know me well know that I form new loves/obsessions quickly and have a habit of chopping and changing my mind but this time its for a good reason I promise!
It's because of this post that I wrote a few weeks ago.
On Thursday it'll be 6 months since Xmas eve (most of you probably know what happened but for those that don't you can get the jist of it here)
And on Friday I'm off on holiday, hopefully to relax, re-group and close a door on the past 6 months.

This blog has been good to me, its created new friendships and served it purpose, it was supposed to be a way to help me get through things and have somewhere to vent and now I am happy and confident again and on Friday I will be able to say I've well and truly got my sparkle back (if this is confusing you then you really should read this post-it explains all things sparkly I promise) 

To get to the point-my blog is moving to Wordpress and a new web address
http://theadventuresofanewmisssearles.wordpress.com

I'm not deleting this blog, I still want it here I just wont be writing on it anymore.
To put it simply (and a bit mushy) this blog is one chapter of my life that has now come to an end, I've hurt, I've healed and I'm ready to start over with a new chapter as a new MissSearles.

If you would be so kind as to change to the new address for Google Reader and stuff like that (that is assuming that people actually subscribe to me...) and come by and say Hello when I post Thursday panicking that I'm not at all organised for going away I would be a very happy lady :-)

See you in a few days in my new sparkly corner of the blogosphere!
Lots of love (a new) MissSearles
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MissSearles on Tour blog

Some of you may have been wondering lately whats going on with the MissSearles on Tour blog!
I'm having some technical difficulties at the moment with the blog aspect of the website
It.Is.Broken
but for once its not actually my fault! The software I'm using doesn't like integrating with commenting systems or, vitally, uploading posts-hence the lack of new posts!
To be honest I'm not sure if theres much I can do to rectify it and may end up having to rebuild the website again so for now the MissSearles on Tour blog will be moving to www.misssearlesontour.wordpress.com

Week 1 - A is for Attitude

This is the first week of 

Lottie Loves… Finishing School

the A-Z of how to be feminine and fabulous

our task was

Week 1 – A is for Attitude

My little challenge for you these next two weeks is to think about what makes you happy about yourself.

Which bits of you do you like, which bits of you do you love?  What have you achieved that you look at with satisfaction and joy? What do you like about your body? What do you love about being the woman you are? I want nothing negative, no buts just pure ‘this is what I like/love because…..

so here goes!
 

• I like that I am independent-if I need to do something I can go out and do it by myself.
• I like my legs and my 'dainty' hands.
• I love that I am musically talented. I can sing and I love to do it. I can also pick up most instruments and learn to play them very quickly.
• I like the colour of my eyes.
• I like that I've learnt to let myself act on the spur of the moment
• I like that I am good at making things.
• I love that I get on with pretty much anyone.
• Most of all I love that I am now happy and healthy :-)

Writing Workshop- Lost and (soon to be) Found

This is my first time doing the Writing Workshop, I chose Prompt 2 - What part of you is lost that you would like to find again?

I lost a very important part of me a while ago, given the circumstances at the time its completely understandable-inevitable even, and these past few months and in fact the starting of this blog was my way of trying to get it back.

I lost my 'sparkle', my confidence, the thing that truly made me Me

It hasn't been easy trying to find it again, anyone that knows me or even follows this blog knows that I'm not  patient person, its been a struggle these past few months and I've pushed to try and get it back when I just wasn't quite ready. Theres been highs and lows, mistakes and revelations. If I hadn't have been writing this blog and made the friends I have done through blogging I have no doubt that it would have taken me so much longer to find it again.
I've had to learn to be myself again, just Charlotte-on my own and not part of a couple, but its also given me a chance to redefine myself and think about what I want. When I started the blog back in January I was Charlotte and I just wrote under the name of MissSearles because I wasn't in a particularly inventive mood when I was thinking of blog names and it still gave me a bit of anonymity and something to hide behind (I know its my real surname but at the time it made me feel hopeful, in my head MissSearles was this independent woman who was just going to brush off what had happened and bounce back better than before...and I expected it all to happen straight away!)
But now, as cheesy as it sounds, I really feel like I am MissSearles, I'm all the things that I saw MissSearles being when I started writing, I'm happy, healthy, positive and confident, its just taken a while to get there.

In 14 days I'm going away, I'm taking a step out of my 'old' Charlotte comfort zone and I'm getting on a plane by myself and flying to Canada to visit my great aunt and uncle.
When I booked the trip it was because I needed to get away and I wanted somewhere that was far away but somewhere I would feel safe, I didn't think about the fact that it would be my first holiday alone without my parents or sister - I just needed to escape.
This isn't the case anymore, I don't need to escape and I don't need to run away.
I do still need the holiday, I need time to relax, see family and be in the sun.
Most importantly I need this holiday to prove to myself that the thing I'd lost is back, it may sound really trivial but, as soon as I say goodbye to Dad and Natalie at the airport (they're dropping me off-mum has to work)...I'm going to be on my own, in an airport, about to board an 8hour flight - its something I would have been terrified to do before; I'd be panicking about what gate to go to and worrying I might get homesick whilst I was away...
But now I know I'll be fine because as soon as I check in for that flight and they leave I can finally give myself permission to close the door on the past few months, step out of my old comfort zone and leave behind the broken Charlotte that I started writing as and be the new MissSearles.

So in summary and to answer Josie's prompt
What part of you is lost that you would like to find again?
I've lost my sparkle but I've found it again (turns out its waiting for me at the Air Transat check in desk at Gatwick airport) and I know its going to be brighter than ever!

Damn you chocolate!!

My throat stings and feels swollen :-(
I ate chocolate :-(
I know I shouldn't have but I really fancied some and always seem to forget how badly it hurts after I've eaten it and besides I'd already had a bit of a bad week already diet wise (I try to stay bread and dairy free) anyway.
I know, I know, I'm silly!
I mentioned it to mum and dad and got a bit told off (ahh the joys of living back at home!) for not sticking to what I know I can eat.
I've been getting headaches and stomach ache more and feeling generally run-down and I know its to do with food, I just don't want to have to admit it because its always the nice food that's bad for you :-(
Dad has said I should look into getting an allergy/intolerance test done and Mum said to make a list of foods/drinks that I can have.
Here's the list so far;
Water
Tea with soya milk (but I should probably cut that out too cos of the sugar and caffeine!)
Herbal teas
Chicken
Turkey
Fish
Vegetables
Fruit

I'm going to try to avoid anything thats quite starchy and anything fatty...Hmmm dinners are going to be interesting from now on *sob*

Any ideas for interesting meals? I'd love to hear them!!

Making-over MissSearles

You may remember the other day that I mentioned my new friend Lottie, she recently wrote a brilliant post titled If I can do it you can! after having lots of feedback from her Think frock it's Friday idea and people saying how does she always look so immaculately groomed.
She says

I am merely a housewife who decided about 18 months ago (post ops) that I would never again look a mess and that every day I would make the effort

I really admire her for this because it's something I'd like to be able to do too.
I feel like things have finally settled down for me, I'm happy back at home, seeing friends more and doing my own thing and feel like I'm back to the old me. I don't mean for this to sound completely shallow, because its quite the opposite its about me feeling good about myself, but I feel like I should be upholding the MissSearles image/persona in my day to day life rather than just in the blogosphere. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't make an effort ever, some days I'll pick out a nice outfit to wear to work and do my make-up, it's just that some days I wake up feeling whats the point in doing all that and its a mind-set I really really want to get out of because I don't want it dragging me down.
So I am...Making-over MissSearles  
First things first - Cleaning out my wardrobe
In her post Lottie shared a few tips with us, the first one being;

Go through your wardrobe and throw out everything that is too big/too small and that you really shouldn’t be seen in public in.  If you shouldn’t be seen in public in it you shouldn’t be seen in private by your family in it either.  This includes underwear and nightwear.  It’s painful and hard and you may well end up with a wardrobe of three things but better that than a wardrobe full of nasty horrible clothing.  If it’s not there you can’t put it on. I did this, it was painful but it felt soooo amazing to never have to look at the mountain of awful stuff I had and better still never have to put it on again

I've been meaning to do this for a long time and its probably ideal to do so now as I'm actually going out to buy new clothes next week :-)

Lottie has agreed to help me out with this and point me in the direction of the main items I should have in my wardrobe and will be sharing this in a guest post very soon!

Let the wardrobe cleansing commence...