Dear So and So...Saying Goodbye

Dear House,
I can't believe this day has come, after 20 years of being together, after this weekend I can no longer call you my Home.
It wasn't a decision that was taken lightly but it really is for the best.
You're the only Home I've ever really known and you've helped to create so many good memories and they can't ever be taken away from me but lately  things have become tainted with bad memories and that's why its time to move on.

I'm going to miss your quirks-the way the 4th and 5th stair really creak, the way you have to push my old bedroom door until it clicks to make sure its shut and things like knowing where someone is in the house just by the sounds the floor makes.
I'm going to miss the friends we have, the next door neighbour who's never missed one of our birthdays and always comes to sing Happy Birthday at the front door (no matter how old we are!) the ones that will always wave from the window if they see me walking up the road.
You've watched me grow-up, I learnt to ride my bike in our garden, do roly-polys in our front room, go under water in our bath, you listened as sung for hours on end practicing for concerts.

I really did believe I would be raising a family in you one day but its not something that can happen now, you'll get to be a home to someone else's children and watch them grow up now and you'll  make them just as happy as you've made me.

Thank you for being the only Home I have ever known and the best that I could have ever wanted.
I'm going to miss you,
Lots of love always
Charlotte
xxxx

Life Limbo

This week has been a bit of a funny week, it’s gone so quickly and there’s so much going on in my head at the moment that I hardly feel like I've had time to take a minute for myself.

I feel like I’m in limbo at the moment, I'm not too sure what’s going on I've made plans for a few weeks time after I've moved to Mum and Dads, I've made plans for my birthday and I've booked flights to go away in June but I can’t quite get my head around what’s going on between now and then.

I'm supposed to be leaving the house and moving to Mum and Dads next weekend-I haven’t started packing, I've got no idea where to start, every time I think about it it just feels like too much to take in. I try to think about it logically but then as soon as I go to make a start on any of it I get a mental block and find something more interesting to do like see friends or go out.

I know I have to get it done and I know I have to do it soon but the problem is that I'm not just packing up to move house, I'm packing up and leaving the home I've lived in for nearly 20 years, I'm packing up my life and starting over. It feels like such a big thing to do and I just want to fast forward a few weeks and have it over and done with.

Any time something has come up lately, a problem or something that knocked the wind out of my sails a little bit, I've just thought to myself, everything will be fine/alot easier in a few weeks once I've moved to Mum and Dads.

I know moving to theirs won’t be the end to all my problems but I’m so desperate to get through the next few weeks and try to close that chapter of my life and start again in a new home and environment.

The only thing stopping myself from doing it is me, one friend suggested just chucking everything in the car and sorting it out when I get to my parents but I feel like I should be spend the time to go through things properly, take time to process the situation, remember the memories I’ve had here, cry about it, say goodbye to my home...it’s going to be a long and emotional week.

There's No Place Like Home

Today my body kinda feels like its giving up on me, yesterday was quite a difficult day, I left work early as I was very close to having a panic attack and was really struggling to calm down. I've not felt that out of control of my body in a long time and its a bit of a shock, I still feel like I'm in 'Fight or Flight' mode now and I'm not too sure how to stop it.
I'm feeling a bit like life has caught up with me, after I ignored what I was saying about just taking Baby steps and tried to take some steps I really wasn't ready for.
I'm still happy though, a bit emotionally drained but happy, things are changing for the better and I'm trying to look forward.

A big decision has been made in the past week or so, I'm going to be giving up my house and moving back to my parents.
This house has been my home for 19 years now (the house was our family home and where my sister and I grew up, my parents bought a new place just over a year ago, they moved out and rented this house to me) but I cant afford to stay here and the good memories of growing up here have been tainted by what happened at Christmas.
I wanted this to be the house I raised a family in but I don't think I could share this house, my home, with somebody else now.

I'm sad to be leaving this house but it really is for the best, I'll be able to start over properly and work out what I want to do.

With every end comes a new beginning and a new adventure, so with that in mind, roll on the next few weeks and...

'The New Adventures of MissSearles'
(has to be said in a Superhero style voice)


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